life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize