I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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