If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize