got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize