I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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