I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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