I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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