i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize