the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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