I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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