I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize