I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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