Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize