you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize