how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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