Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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