i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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