You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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