I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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