i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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