My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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