He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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