Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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