her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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