There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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