tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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