woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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