Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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