I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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