I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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