Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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