Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize