I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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