Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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