My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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