Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Congratulations! We have a period
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize