shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I will pee on everything he values.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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