best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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