I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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