Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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