Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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