I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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