Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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