Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize