we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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