Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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