Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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