The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize