Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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