I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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