We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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